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I guess it happens to all of us

We all go through that phase in life where we decide on something then it just royally fucks you over.

Decisions. Decisions. Decisions.
Consequences. Consequences. Consequences.

My problems don’t match to those of in real need of help. But damn, financially I just fucked myself sideways.
And not in that good way drifting sideways.

Anyways big plans for next year. That good ol 2014 is right there corner.

-job wise, solved, waiting to be on board. Get it? On board? Cause on a train you get aboard it.
-car? Major repair and complete over haul, not to mention to own two cars. It’s finalized.
-might not be able to see the people I usually see much this year, because of personal reasons and goals. It comes with the sacrifice I’m willing to make as of right now.
-financially, baring to stay alive, even without touching that collection of investments.

I just gotta endure and push on.


Maybe it’s time to just face the truth. I’m just like ever other human being. I have a one sided goal that ill never reach.

What makes me special? Nothing. Nothing at all.

So fuck that one guy that kisses his teeth just by hearing my name. Or so the story goes. That has never bothered me so much. I’ve heard the most atrocious things said about me, but that just pisses me off.

"You snooze, you lose."

So what? I do and say stupid stuff. Sure I’m insensitive while talking to people. Sure I assume and say shit that should be sugarcoated. You may might not consider the possibility that I fucking do this for the group of people who at times can be down on their luck. I go out of my way to outreach to people in stupid ways so that they can be comfortable with. I put the effort in letting people know that I’m fucking here, that I FUCKING EXIST IN THIS WORLD. The world may not know who I am, but by my ways of establishing my existence I at least know I’ve existed in the eyes of people of whom I trust and hold dear.

I love everyone I meet and sure do treasure them to the bottom of my heart.

I have never told those girls that I adore them, that I loved their natural ways of just being themselves. I never understood the timing that one must have for affection. If I could go back, just like any other person wishes, i would tell them that I loved them. I spent so much on focusing on one aspect of liking a person that I missed my opportunity to let them know that I look at them with my heart and mind.

I just focus on other people’s success, their goals, their motivation in life, their character. I fail when they fail, it shows me that I never told them the right things. I say things from an experience that never happened to me. But that gives me that perspective.

I should just stop before I crash through rock bottom. Maybe I should be selfish and not help people.


Rough night. Too hurtful to even think about. Wish I can erase my mind and forget everything sometimes.


Too many late nights.

Alone in a quiet room. The only thing I can hear is myself breathe. Too many thoughts rush my mind as the silence continues.

Just one of those nights. Just one of those nights.